This girl.

This girl,

She hurts and she heals,

Like no other.

And she makes me happy,

More than anything in this world.

This girl,

So strong and yet so fragile,

From the outside in.

And she frustrates me,

More than anything in this world.

This girl, this girl,

As I hold her in my arms,

I’ll do my best not to harm,

bend, break or hurt her.

This girl, this girl,

I’ll do anything to see her smile,

though sometimes I only make her cry,

tears falling free from both our faces.

This girl,

She makes my head hurt,

My knees weak and my heart so soft.

And she touches me,

When she says she loves me.

So as we turn off the lights,

And say goodnight,

I pray to God in heaven,

That all I may be

Is hers forever.

All work and no play...?

makes Jack a dull boy... or so they say. But when you have less than 3 days to cover just over 3 months' work, let's just say it's justified.

Just had my first paper today. I was alright for a while after that, but after studying for about another 2 hours, i was just so mentally exhausted that i had to stop, just because the words were flashing but nothing was making sense anymore.

Anyways, craving Imagine, the live version that David Archuleta sang the first time around. On the subject of AI, i'd have to say i thought the finale(which i finally watched on youtube a few days ago) seemed to actually favour archuleta, coz he did sing better, so i was kinda surprised that Cook won if it was just based on the finale performance, but i guess part of it was building a fan base anyway. But Cook, sigh. I liked Music of the Night and billie jean was quite good, but the other one..i thought he completely massacred Always be my baby.

Tiff got new headphones today..Sennheiser. Far out i'm jealous now. Gotta steal them off her when i get the chance Kekekeke... :p (She's asleep now)

Just read Aaron's blog, and i gotta say i agree. Being out of malaysia does broaden your perspective. I think it's because you see so many different points of views, and it's just like coming out from under a rock into the sun, simply because so much of what we hear in malaysia is one sided and really censored, whereas from an outsider's point of view, it's so much different. Yet once we hear both sides of the story, it's up to us to make up our minds isn't it? Like, not who to believe, but what we think of what they're saying, and what of what we hear that we do believe, and then speak our minds.

Yes..freedom of speech, it's like taboo in malaysia for some reason. And i believe i may be invading into some of our politically minded friends' territories here, but i believe we should be more exposed to all these things, to be able to see what we wanna see, hear what we wanna hear and say what we wanna say! The boundaries and restrictions malaysians are put under in our own country is almost ridiculous sometimes, and one wonders that if they truly believe they're right, what are they so afraid of? Why the restrictions if you do believe in what you do? Because the truth speaks for itself. It's when people try to speak for it that it becomes corrupted.

And so, freed from all these things, i believe our view of the world, of life is just drastically changed. We know what we're missing out on, and maybe what we've got that's better than everyone else too, and that i believe makes us appreciate the good things more. But what's more, where there are people you love and care about, no matter how bad things are, there's always a good side to everything. Quoting from a malay proverb, "buang yang keroh, ambil yang jernih" (hope i got that right...).

Along those lines, i have something to say. Stop freakin complaining about your petrol prices! RM2.70 RM 2.70...guess what people? It's only going to go up. Yes, it's bush's fault, but no boycotting petronas isn't going to work forever. And RM2.70 compared to NZD 2.10? (conversion rate of 2.6), and i'm sure it's higher in aus, and 4-5 USD per litre? It's nothing. Even Singaporeans think we get cheap petrol and everyone is just complaining non-stop.

Ok. I am done. I am not a country basher, nor am i particularly patriotic. I'm just a guy looking out for his friends.

A drop of rain after the drought...

First off, wow. How long have i not updated? Sorry i've been so lazy, but i am probably going to repeat this, so all i can give is a drop i guess, but i'll make it as big a drop as possible.

Okay, so lately all i've been doing is studying my brains off, monday to saturday(gonna become monday to sunday this weekend) almost 8am - 9.30 pm, with breaks of course. Med school is taking over my life. However! I was thinking of remodelling this blog and putting up stuff i find out as i learn that's kinda interesting instead of my long rambly posts. I guess one of the reasons i'm lazy is 'coz no one really says anything about my posts. But then again isn't that my fault for being cold and heartless last time? Haha, God has His ways of bringing things around eh?

So, other than the days being mushed into one and monday being practically indistinguishable from tuesday or wednesday, my brain is full of random facts like did you know your guts were outside of your body when you were in the womb? I also desperately need the exercise. I've been eating and eating and eating until recently when i discovered that i actually concentrate better when i'm hungry.

As for the exercise thing, i haven't played badminton, just about my sole source of physical exertion here in good ol' NZ (other than the walking ages everyday and writing heaps which must work my forearm muscles really well), and i'm craving for a bit of futsal or something, yet i really won't be back until the end of the year, unfortunately. But on another note, hopefully i'll be bringing friends home, so not only will i get to take them around, friends can meet friends, which to me is really what it's all about, just bridging that 6 degrees of separation between us all, through one friend at a time, 'coz as facebook proves, everyone knows everyone.

Just randomly, i'm thinking of going to the gym next semester 'coz i probably could really use the exercise, and Tiff wants to go join too, so it'll be kinda fun at least, to have someone go with you. Wondering if i should work on my fitness or just get back to my own taekwondo basics, just to regain my kicks and stuff. Also, a third year friend said that there might be salsa classes next semester, which i think would actually be fun to go with Tiff as well, if she does manage to get permission from her mom.

And whoa, time seriously has flown hasn't it? It's been almost 3 years since we first landed here. It took me a while, but i've finally settled down, and so have reichel and mom. Sis is doing pretty well in school, and seems to be pretty popular too, similar to what she had back in bestari i'm guessing, but i don't quite know coz i don't really know her friends. Also, i guess i do regret not being home a lot sometimes, just coz of study and staying out and stuff. And mom's enjoying herself too, just working part time and having free time whenever she feels like it.

We do really love it here, but i guess the only thing missing's dad. 'Coz although we see him whenever we want on webcam or talk to him or email and stuff, it's not quite the same as being there. When he came over last time, it was really obvious mom had missed him. She just lit up, and just felt so much happier with dad around, so i know i really owe my parents a lot for everything-life, love, opportunities..you name it, everything can be traced back to them in some way.

Been thinking of the future quite a lot lately, although it is another 4 and a half years(and maybe a little bit more) til i graduate, and hopefully earn a decent starting wage. I don't really know if i do wanna stay here for very very long. I'm on scholarship for 30% of my fees a year ( that's 3k outta 10k), but i'm bonded here for 4 outta the next 5 years, because they'll sponsor me 4 years starting this year, so i guess that'll play a big part in my decision too. I pray that Tiff and i will be together then, still looking to the future, and that again will really influence me. At the moment though, looking at australia because it's close and they pay lots better, and i'm thinking it'll be familiar. However, depending on where i wanna do my fellowship later on, i guess i'm gonna have to choose a good college to get a good education so i can come out really good at what i do, which is what i look forward to most when i think about study nowadays. Also, anyone who doesn't finish in 4 1/2 years or less, raise your hands, i will be your friend, because you'll probably finish later than me then :)

Honestly, i really just can't wait to go make an impact on someplace in the world. Be it by cure or something else...i think you should see the doctor.

Anyways, i'm tired now, and gotta wake up again to go study so i gotta run!

Laters!

A Prayer

Seems like the only one i can think of nowadays..

God, please..don't take her away from me...

Please.

How does it feel?

How does it feel? It's over.

How does it feel to think that things may never ever be the same again?
That she won't be waiting for me to come back like before?

How does it feel, when all the things you think of doing,
All your hopes and dreams, and wildest desires, have gone up in smoke?

How does it feel when together, and forever and ever,
becomes nothing but a memory from yesterday?

And i'm left here, thinking of what might have been, wondering what could be, and hurting like i've never hurt before.

How does it feel, finding out the world you built around her,
was just an illusion no one but you believed in?

How does it feel indeed, watching as your plans, dreams and expectations go down in flame, and you rue the day you decided to allow yourself to hope after all?

How does it feel to give everything, and have nothing left to give, and yet wonder if maybe it wasn't enough this time?

How does it feel to have to grow up and face reality-that life sucks, and all we can do is live it?

I've never been one for labels or stereotypes or boundaries, and i've always believed that love was a force so powerful nothing could stand in its way. And yet, for it to fail at the most fundamental levels, i don't know if i can believe in anything anymore.

The hardest feeling in the world is to not be able to tell someone you love them, even when it's all you can think of doing, because you love them more than anything in the world.

I'm sorry...i just couldn't stop thinking.

Dunno why i've never heard this song before. But whoa..is all i can say. It's a really nice sweet number, and really easy to listen to. Jamie Scott and the Town, When will I see your face again.

A question i ask everyday i'm away from her. Feeling kinda despondent, like, not bad, yet not quite neutral either, just..not quite all here.

Singapore

Random update. Just arrived in singapore, aunt drove us all down-sis, grandma and myself. I haven't been here in just about 10 years i think, last mid-year's sleep over at my uncle's house nonwithstanding coz i never really got to see much even then. Prospect of exploring singapore is sorta exciting cum daunting, since i only got mom and sis with me. Wishing i had her here with me.

Hoping Jho and Kevin will come down later in the week or something, and then might hopefully get to be more independent and do some exploring. Realising that lotsa things are different here than in malaysia. Went to vivocity already, pretty sweet design n stuff, but feel so much pressure to have a fast lifestyle..ppl walk fast, eat fast, even the escalators are fast!

Anyway, might have more stuff to say later. Listening to Teardrops on my Guitar again, and can't help thinking how incredibly sad it is. Somehow i'm addicted to it though. Maybe i really am secretly emo after all.